I’m frustrated. And stressed. And I left my iPod at home. Sad Panda.

The fact that this gay marriage topic has taken over our entire political news and politicians focus is bothering the hell outta me. Politicians are using there views on same-sex marriage as a play to gain or lose votes for their party. Obama led the way along with Biden. And now the Republicans obviously, completely logically, have to fire back right? Wrong. Our country, and its culture is ignorant. We are one giant hypocrisy, and this gay marriage issue is the perfect example. We are given so many freedoms in this country. Freedom of speech and religion being the 2 largest ones. Freedom of Religion allows you to believe in what you want. Some people believe gay marriage is wrong. Some religions believe it is right. We also have the right to assemble and protest. Gays around the world protest to have the right to marriage. Meanwhile people against gay marriage, mostly Catholics and other Christian religions, protest against it. However, the Catholics, Christians, and others who deny gays the right to marry are in the wrong. Who are you to deny someone their right to marry? Who are you to claim “the bible” says marriage is between a man and woman”. Well how about this? I say FUCK YOU. No one cares what you believe the bible, a book written over 2000 years ago says. Keep your opinion to yourself. And who are you to tell someone who they can love? Who are you to tell someone they cannot marry their soul mate? Who are you to claim we have the freedom of religion but then deny others their right to marry when thats just as much part of religion as praying is. You cannot have it both ways. You are ignorant and feed into our country’s double standards and hypocrisy. Same-Sex marriage should be legalized ASAP. It is dumb it isn’t legal already. This moral issue should not be what people base their votes on. What politicians should focus half their campaigns on. This is ridiculous that we are talking about this on CNN all the time. Leave people to be who they want. We should be focusing on fixing our country’s problems. We should be asking the candidates about the budget, about foreign policy, about jobs, not about moral issues like legalizing same-sex marriage.

I am scared where our country is headed. We are not in a good place. We are in the worst state our country has EVER been in. We are headed for world wars again. We are headed for nuclear war. We are headed for another great depression. But what I hope for is that we are headed for revolution. It is time for us, WE The People, to take back control of OUR government. We hold the power. Yet we instead follow blindly and listen to the system. We vote along party lines and moral issues. We vote based on money. Our entire system is built around money and influence. Why not instead build a system built on what is right for us as human beings as a country of citizens who work together. We are not Goldman Sachs robots. We are not JP Morgan Slaves. We are not the tiny little Lego people our government believes we are. We will not be shifted and played around with like little chess pieces anymore. I will not let our country fall to the hand of outdated morals and policies based on 50 and 60 year old white men who have lived their lives based on who can give them more money and power. I will not bow down to companies, MONOPOLIES who believe they can continue to control us for their own gain. They do not control the system. We do.

Here’s one thing people don’t understand, being an Atheist is not fun. At most times being in Atheist is the worst thing in the world. Sometimes I fucking hate it. But its also who I am, It’s what I believe. So dammit I embrace it. I had a great conversation with my best friend Kalenga yesterday, a fellow Atheist. Of all my friends, family, and people I know only two people in this world understand, in every sense of the word understand, who I am. Kalenga and My Uncle Steven Bowman.

This past week my second mother, a mentor, a close friend of mine passed away. I went to church (wtf right?) I even went up and got communion. I listened to eveyone’s stories. I prayed. I participated in mass. Still I felt nothing. Its a dirty truth and secret that hurts all too much to realize that a person so close to you is truly gone forever for an Atheist. I kept looking around the church at all the people praying, and I felt bad for them. I felt bad for them. I’m not sure why, but I did. And thats messed up.

Kim, was the one who passed away. Her son Dylan is another one of my best friends. Until his mom passed he was an Atheist like Kalenga and myself. He told me though how he knew she was watching over him. He told me of a dream he had where he had an entire conversation with her. John, Kim’s husband and Dylan’s dad, told us how Kim was just changing lifeforms and was still around us. And Kalenga and I sat there with them. In church and looked at each other, and knew it was all bullshit. I understand Dylan’s mindset of believing in God after his mom has passed away. My uncle’s wife hangs onto the belief in God because she one day hopes to see her Dad again. here’s the thing. If my mom passed away, my dad, sister, brother, anyone that close to me. I would be sad. I would be hurt. but that should’t change what you believe. That’s not how the person who passed would want you to do things in the first place. You have to be yourself.

Now I’m not one to tell people what is wrong and what is right. I could be dead ass wrong. Like I told my friend Molly when Chris committed suicide. Molly asked me Nick your an Atheist, you really believe Chris is gone and not watching over me? This is what I told Molly, Molly I cannot tell you what you believe. I cannot sit here and tell you what I believe. If you feel Chris with you, and YOU believe that Chris is watching you, he is. Because that is what you believe in your heart and thats all that matters.

During Kalenga and I’s conversation we addressed many points of being an Atheist. One’s that I could blog about for hours, and many many paragraphs. But that not needed. I only have but one important note to make of it. If heaven is in fact real, I can guarantee that most Atheists end up heaven. Atheists don’t participate in a corrupt form of religion. They do not fake what they believe. Atheists are themselves. And use free will in every sense of the word the way God wanted it to be truly used. A common, normal, non psychotic Atheist like Kalenga and myself live each day they way we believe is right. We live each day with true right morals. At the end of the day you treat everyone right, your correct the mistakes you can, and you live your life happy. That’s all that matters. because in the end those that are still living will will never know what is real or not. And when it’s over, it doesn’t really matter.

But its a tough life lesson being an Atheist. I learn new things about myself each day being an Atheist. Losing people close to me is just another lesson I have learned as an Atheist. Like I said though, being an Atheist is no walk in the park. Atheism is in fact a faith. Just like Christianity.  Unless your an Atheist though you will never understand or comprehend the thought processes we go through or why we live our lives the way we do. Or why we believe what we do. i wish there was a way to show others our minds of thinking. Why we believe what we do. Why it sucks so so fucking much. But I’ve come to grips that it is but alas a dream. Which is why I am so thankful for people like Kalenga and Steven, fellow Atheists like myself. Without them I’m not sure if I’d still be on this planet.